Friday’s Funny

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Christmas Wishes

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The Unexpected Guest

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A natural phenomenon of epic proportions visited our skies today as a bright light streaked across the Southern horizon. It was so blinding I couldn’t make any sense of what it was.

Ebba's eye

I saw Cooper crouching outside the window and began barking to get his attention. Poor thing just sat there looking up at the dazzle. The hair on my neck was standing straight up all the way down my tail as I rushed out to get a better look.

“Did you see that Cooper?” I asked.

“Yeah, rotten what a long time since it shone ‘round here.” He said and licked his paw.

“Wait, what?”

I squinted against the sky; there sitting on the edge of the world was a sparkling winter sun.

“He’s taking his time ain’t he,” Cooper remarked.

The sun had paused. Afraid to take the plunge into the black universe it hesitated in a quivering haze. I had to do something so I barked and the sun seemed to respond slipping over the edge.

As the sun began to sink out of sight I looked at Cooper expecting some serious respect.

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“It wasn’t you done that.” he said  and walked away twitching his tail.

But it was.

The Meeting

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We knew something was up when Sandra kept pushing the snooze button over and over. And then there was all the crazy dashing about with the vacuum, not to mention that she did not give us breakfast. So Gracie and I took our places on the landing and watched out the window for about an hour; then it happened.

A car pulled up outside and people toppled out talking and laughing as they hurried to our door.

They were going to have a meeting. OK, I thought, I can do that. We sat at the table with binders, paper and pens. Everyone seemed to be looking at and talking to the one called David, I’m guessing he might have been the pack leader. He had dark eyes like me and was quite relaxed. The tall man had blue eyes bent over the table and moved a pen back and forth over his paper as though he was telling the paper something important. The woman was full of happy talking and moved a lot, I’d say if she would have had a tail, it would have been held high and wagging. She noticed me. Infact she seemed to notice everything that was going on in the room, whereas the men mostly noticed one another.rde4684_hi

The tall man reminded me of someone I like, someone who is very good at throwing balls. I tried to speak to him about this. He just returned a blank look. The man with the dark eyes seemed to like me. His eyes met mine and he let them linger. I tried to persuade him to leave the meeting and join me in the yard. He turned away so I’m guessing he wasn’t really thinking about what I was trying to say. I went to the woman, and she held me. She was friendly and full of energy- she pet me as though she knew me… but I was not getting any vibes that she was listening to me per se.

I finished Sandra’s coffee for her and tried to analyze them one by one across the table.  I came to the conclusion that  none of these meeting – goers were interested in ball sports

Dog Dreams

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I had a dream last night that two dogs dressed in coats were standing at the gate when I got up in the morning. They were there waiting as though they knew and hoped I would come out.friends dream

Instead of waking up excited about meeting new dogs, all I could think about was the blue sweater and the purple cape they had on. I hate sweaters and capes. If Sandra got a look at dogs in jackets I’d be in for another winter of

“Try this on Ebba.”

Then Andreas would be all,

“Gads! Look at the price on that!”

And Sandra would revert to her clever creations made of old sweaters and blankets. My childhood is totally scared from her clothier experiments.19365_274069608284_7606302_n

I’m no drug dog

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Who says I love coffee? I know it looks bad as I stand over Sandra’s cup gulping it down but I think   the point is being missed.
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When I’m done eating I go get her so we can play ball. And always, she says,
“Just a minute Ebba, I have to drink my coffee.’

She can sit there forever sipping at it. So I ask you, why do you think I’m drinking it? 🙂

A dog’s view- racial issues

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Humans stress about their racial issues

Race to breed

Breed to race

Please Erase

Although humans only have a few races, they manage to make epic stories in their minds about how dangerous it is to have the other races near them. We dogs, thanks to you humans, have bazillions of races. This works fine for us. No racial issues at all. Therefore I suggest that you try increasing the number of races you have. I’ve heard science can now make you glow in the dark  glowing monkeyand have see-through skin. I’m sure you could create an amazing portfolio of races. What’s that you say? You find this objectionable?  Dogs know this, and we love you anyway. 🙂

My cat is modern too

Optic Hunting from a dog’s perspective;

Just chilling watching something with Andreas.  I can’t really make out what it is but i hear men talking and motor sounds.

Andreas watches intently as though he were hunting.  I think this is what the modern humans do instead of hunting. It may be the reason they can get food out of their refrigerators. They hunt it on the screens with their minds, then the animal ends up dead and is transferred via fiber optics. I’ve figured these things out. I’m not sure if Cooper also uses fiber optics as I never see him hunt and yet there are dead mice under the kitchen chair from time to time.  I’m not interested in chasing animals. But if I was, I think I’d just walk outside, find something hiding, sneak up on it, chase it until it died, then eat it. It’s such a joy to run isn’t it. …I wonder if it’s a joy to think animals to death with your mind. I have my doubts as Andreas seems to occasionally nod off.

favorite passtimes

My search ends with you

I feel as though I’m looking for something, searching for something new;  What is it I need. What am I looking for?ABC 135

Is it beyond the great fields to the west? Is it beyond the barn to the South where the sounds of cars, bikes and dogs waver in the heat? Do I long to run through grass and weeds – maybe see the cows up close? I’ve felt something special in the deep drifts of snow; is what I’m looking for at the ends of the earth in the endless white? Sometimes I lay in bed and gaze out the window at the contrast of trees against the sky. Should I learn to fly? I have searched the gravel and the paths in the yard. I have tried looking at the PC screens with Andreas, I have sniffed the scent of rabbit and fox in unfamiliar ditches and listened for the mighty badger in her holes… should I go there?


Oh! When I see you, take you gently in my teeth and ponder the prospects of catching you in the air,  I know my search ends with you.

Content

Training humans

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You may think it’s impossible to train a human but that is a fallacy. You train them every single day without even realizing it. When you whimper do they not turn toward you and make cute noises of inquiry? When you jump on the sofa do they not bark out a rebuke? How about treats? Can you get them to give you treats or stop kissing each other so that you can have a cuddle? Even though these are negative things, if you realize that you are in control, it can be the beginning of the realization that you can have affect on and even train your human. Some humans are smarter than others, some are more observant and some are more willing, like children. Choose someone you are close to and begin the training. Here are two games I have developed and then taught to Sandra.

The impossible chase

The goal of this game is to get the human to attempt to catch you and in doing so have a lovely chase all over the yard or through the house. Best results are to have the human laughing and giggling so that they lose their breath and are even less apt to catch you.

Training tips

  1. Pick up your favorite ball and show it to your human
  2. Walk to the door and dart out when they open it
  3. If they call you, come back, but when they attempt to take the ball, back away a little
  4. Continue to repeat number 3. It is imperative that you appear to be very happy so they will not give up. Eye contact is important- show interest.
  5. When you get them out onto the lawn begin running large circles around them at a trotting pace so that they believe they will be able to catch you. If they catch up, run at full speed.

 running

Canine ping pong

The goal of this game is to get a ball going back and forth between you and your human. I invented a solo variation of the game for myself but realized one day that it might be fun to include Sandra. You sit on the edge of the bed or a chair. It needs to be something high so that when you roll or drop your ball off the edge it will bounce to the human. The human then tosses it lightly back to you and you drop it to the floor again. The human will miss the ball quite often in the beginning and it a judgment call if you want to wait for them to fetch it or if you want to jump down and get it for them. I normally just get it as it saves time. The advanced mode is when your human bats the ball back to you without catching it and you do a header (with your nose) back so it becomes a fast game.

Training tips

  1. Wait with your ball near the edge of the bed until your human is sitting on the floor putting socks on
  2. Drop the ball gently, it will bounce then roll slowly by them, or into their feet
  3. Keep repeating this. At first they are going to think it’s random
  4. Finally one day, they will pick it up and toss it back to you.
  5. Immediately repeat jumping up to the bed and dropping the ball
  6. Be patient! They will eventually recognize the pattern and understand.

Friday’s Funny

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Here comes the Premier for Friday’s Funny comic strip. I’ll be putting to use some of Sandra’s photos of Gracie, Cooper and myself to give you a window on the madness we call home. It’s not like I actually know when Fridays come, but that is an example of how useful humans can be. They know these things.

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